Death is sometimes closer then we think!
by SPNaddict
Summary: Dean's eye's bleed in Bloody Mary, What secret is he hidding, and more impotantly who did he kill./Set sometimes after Bloody Mary, Hope it's alright thought of this last night while rewatching the episode for the uptenth time. please Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAMIER: Erik Kripke is lucky as he owns supernatural**

**SUMMARY:- Dean's Eye's Bleed in Bloody Mary! He had to have killed someone so who did he murder?**

**REVIEW:- Please Reviews because i really like them even if it just to tell me a stink and to give up writting fanfics **

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**SOMETIMES DEATH IS CLOSER THEN WE THINK!**

**_UN-BETA'D_**

It had been a long night what with Sam Summoning Bloody Mary, Sam didn't have to do it, She would've come after him as well, His eye's bleed as well, He'd killed someone and kept the secret.

_He was sitting on the floor of another crappy hotel, Sam was gone, Went off to college a little over two months ago, His dad was getting pissed at the closest bar, he'd been mopping and he was holding a blade up to his wrist, He missed his Sammy, His Sammy who he'd comforted for years, who had ultimately been his life source. _

"Dean Road" Sam Yelled obviously panicked

"Sorry" he said

"Dean, what's wrong"

_Hours earlier his dad had yelled at him, told him it was his fault Sammy had left, that he should have fought with him, that he should have taken a side his side, if only his father knew, if only he knew how much watching Sam's retreating back had hurt him. He wanted to call his Sammy he wanted someone to stop him, he wanted to think of something different he didn't want to be sitting on a filthy floor of a hotel holding a blade to his wrist._

"DEAN ROAD" Sam yelled for a second time

"Sorry Sammy" he mumbled clearly miles away

"What's going on with you?" Sam asked

"Nothing Sammy, every thing's sweet" Well it wasn't the truth but the truth hurt and this truth would hurt, he was sure of it.

_He had the phone in his hand, he had to call someone he had to tell them what he was thinking, he couldn't keep going on like this, Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Sammy, He had to call someone but who, and what would he tell them, he could hardly tell them he was about to take his life, the thought of doing that was almost laughable. He didn't want to die, but he couldn't live without Sammy, He made his decision he dialled in the number of his father, he would call John._

"DEAN ROAD" Sam yelled for the third time that night.

"Sorry" he muttered for the third time

"Dean, What going on" He stayed quiet he wouldn't tell Sammy he couldn't, and he wouldn't "Has this got anything to do with what happened back there?" There, there is was the question he'd been waiting for since they'd left the scene of the crime.

_The phone was ringing, surely his dad would answer it, "HELLO" John yelled over the noise "Dad" he whispered brokenly "Dad, I'm Sorry" "DEAN, WHAT THE HELL" Tear's started rolling down his pale cheeks as he scratched at his wrist with the blade. "I'm Sorry Dad, I'm Sorry I didn't please you, I'm Sorry, I didn't Stop Sammy From leaving, I'm Sorry Dad" he whispered trying to keep the pain he was feeling out of his voice while he scratched Deeper into his wrist. "DEAN WHAT GOING ON?" Dad was panicking now. "I'm going to make it all better" He whispered tears making his voice Crack "DEAN, NO"_

His eye's bleed, they'd bleed because he had a secret that secret had killed someone. He wasn't meant to survive, He hadn't survived,

_John came home from the pub, Burst though the crappy hotel room, luckily he had caught on to what his son was talking about, Luckily he had already called 911, Dean lay on the floor blood gashing from several wounds in his son's wrists, rushing over to his eldest son, he quickly realised he was too late that his son was dead, He'd now lost both of his kids. _

He killed two people, he killed himself, and he killed his father.

_The ambulance arrived and took his son, but Dean was alive he had to be if Dean died, then he would die, and So would Sammy, Dean was the heart of the family, Without Dean, He would've died years ago, but no Dean would survive he had to._

_He was flying, it had happened, and now here he was with his mother, "Dean, Dean honey, you have to go back" His mom spoke to him in the angelic voice he remembered so clearly "Mom, no" "Dean Honey, you father need's you, Sammy need's you" he sat in silence just staring at his mother "Dean I'm sending you back" "No mum, Don't" he had no choice, killing himself had been useless he'd been sent back, he'd woken up in hospital, his dad's face tear stricken and distrait. _

"Dean, why did your eyes bleed?" Sam asked "What happened"

"Sam, I'm Sorry" He whispered He wouldn't tell Sam, How could he tell Sam!

"Who...Who did you Kill?

"Sammy, Please....Please" He wouldn't tell Sam

_"Dean" John whispered to him "Why" "I'm Sorry Dad, I want to die!" "Why son, why would you want to kill yourself?" "I'm Sorry" He was crying again he hated showing weakness but he couldn't help it at this point he was meant to die, He had killed himself, His mother had sent him back, He had killed himself he was dead and none of this made any sense what so every. HE WAS DEAD._

"Sammy, I'm Sorry" he remembered he didn't want to remember but he did.

"Dean, who did you kill?" Sam asked him again "please Dean, Why did your eyes bleed?"

"Myself" he whispered it so quiet it was almost impossible for Sam to hear it.

_"Dean, I'm Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you, but why son, why do you want to die?" John eye's were tearing up as well now, "I should've got Sammy to say, I miss Sammy, I disappointed you" he continued crying "Never dean you could never disappoint me, you could've died"_ you did die "Sorry, I won't do it again"

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A/N: Hope you like this and hope it isn't to bad, was watching Bloody Mary last night and this Idea came to me, Let me now if you want another chapter or not or if you think it is alright as it is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter hope it's alright, and doesn't wrack the story, and thanks for taking the time to review, this is for you guy's enjoy.**

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"Myself" He whispered so quietly Sam nearly missed It.

"Dean?"Sam Questioned "Who...Who?"

"Myself" he repeated even quieter then the first time he answered that question.

_He was sitting in the impala his father was sitting next to him, there were driving down the long stretch of high way that would take them to their next job. John had barely spoken to him since he'd taken his life. He'd succeeded, in more way's then one, and he'd taken more lives than just one._

"Sorry Sammy" he spoke up, coming out of the memories he had been dissolving into all night, while pulling the impala off to the side of the road. He could feel his eyes welling up with tear's, He couldn't, He wouldn't cry, crying showed weakness.

_John was staring at him, and he, he was staring out the windscreen his finger's tracing the half healed slashes still present on his wrists. He wasn't supposes to live. 'Death was easy; life was hard' FASLE 'Death was hard, Life was easy" TRUE_

"Dean?"Sam questioned "What happened?" Mimicking his position to the same one he used that night in the impala with his dad nearly four years ago, he traced his fingers along the physically healed scar's along his wrists which were still slightly risen. "Sammy!" He tried to get his voice out stern but it was chocked up with tears caused by remembering.

"_What about Sammy?"John asked gently "What about me? Dean I can't lose you" he stayed silent he didn't want to be a disappointment, he hadn't meant to survive, these conversations weren't meant to arouse. _

"She came after people with secrets, People who have killed." He said making it sound like he was talking to himself, while really he was talking to the person sitting next to him in the car. "I killed, I killed emotionally, I tried to kill physically....I still had a secret, I still Killed, Sammy that way my eye's bleed." Mary didn't see shades of gray only black and white, she only saw that he'd killed himself physically, while he'd killed his father emotionally "I killed two people Sammy." Now he could really feel the unforgiving wetness of tears pushing to escape.

'_Sorry Dad" He whispered. Apologizing was about the only thing to have come out of his mouth in the two weeks since he'd sat on the floor with his back against the wall, and the razor blade he'd shaved with that morning bitting his skin and tear's stinging his eye's begging for escape, his finger's itching for the phone, his mind stuck in decision, everything telling him to get up and call Sammy, tell him that he loved him, Laugh with him, to just put the implement of destruction down and go on with life the way he always did. _

"Dad knew! Why did she come?" He questioned out loud to himself he knew the answer already he didn't know everything, "Died Sammy, Should've stayed dead. Mom saved me!" he tried to get out while memories still threatened to crush his brain, All the while the impala staying stationary on the side of the un lighten road. The kind of road where a ghost was likely to be haunting, "It wasn't all a secret" and now it wasn't likely to be a secret any of it.

"_Dean, what happened" John asked him how could he answer that, and what was his dad asking, was he asking why did he slash his wrist's, or was he asking how did he survive. He settled for the first, telling his dad why would be so much easier, "was my fault Sammy left, was just trying to make it better" John hadn't meant that and on top of that he was starting to worry about his eldest son, in the last two week's dean hadn't said Much, Most the time only speaking when John asked him a question, scary part was he actually answered the questioned asked with actual answers, instead of the usual 'I'm Fine' John had grown accustomed to hearing._

"Passenger seat Dean, I'm Driving" Sam spoke up after 30 minutes of sitting in the unmoving car.

"Sammy I'm _Driving_" While he liked the idea of being left to sit and reminisce without having to worry about wrapping his car around a pole, or tree which was why he'd pulled over in the first place, no way in hell was he prepared to admit it out loud.

"_Dean,....I'm Worried,...About you" John said rather hesitantly "Why Dad." He said in his usual voice, not the depressed one he'd been using since he'd hurt himself. "Dean, I haven't seen you like this since you were four." John told him "Not since Mary's D....D....D_eath" _he couldn't bring himself to say _**Death**_**. **_

He had been depressed, he just hadn't realised till his father told him "Okay Sammy" He said agreeing to let his little brother drive.

"Dean, are you alright?" Sam asked

"Cause, I'm always alright" It wasn't a lie, he was alright only one time had he not been alright, as long as he had his Sammy he would be alright, at least in till there found their dad. With that Sam pulled back onto the road, while he sat in the passenger seat smiling, everything was alright for now at least.

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A/N: please let me know if this was a bit too much or not I hope It's alright. and thanks for reading. don't hesitate to tell me what you thought/Think.


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